the truth about trust in my life and my desires

I am so scared to venture on my life, I am scared because for once I am taking things slow, so slow, I been hurt so many time by so many guys. He is established in life. He makes me laugh and want more of his essence everyday in life. Every time I am around him he makes me smile, Handsome Rob excepts me for me. You know I am still getting to know him but he makes me glow. Trust:Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. Custody; care. Something committed into the care of another; charge. Sometimes I am wondering if any guy has been true to me in my life. I am so scared,Scared of being in competition with someone else while talking to man and being in the interview process and he still needs to feel how firm the ground is for the person and there essence of life and there convictions. I think why I have problems with trust is I have been burned, or always put aside as the defeated player.I was disapointed and hurt, I thought I was getting pushed aside. Is it so bad for me to look for the flocks of golden ambers lust of love. to see ways of life with a man that is looking for a man secure enought to be able to love and be loved ,somewone who enjoys life, good company, energetic, willing to work hard at communication and other aspects of building and maintaining a relationship a guy who enjoys (plenty of)lovemaking rather than just sex; passionate and compassionate. someone who is thoughtful and caring, because I want someone I can share my life with and someone to build our history together. Is that so much to ask for in life. All I know I want to be with a man that I want to make passionate love too and it is killing me in some ways that my soul is not fully liberated in a full encompised cirle. My soul is entraped in a prision and no one else is in existance for my dying craving for sexual passion with a man at the same time and I want it, and i dont want to desire it or share it with just anyone. If I share my the sexual desire with just anyone the end result will be the darkness of karma the side which will fury of darkness for millions of years and the end result of no escape of that frame of mind.The passion that happen one nite which is to fully give myself my body, mind and my essence of life. I want liberate my sexual freedom. I am dying every time my desires come out of me but I hold back, I hold back the frustration, the will, the power, the seduction of what every man desires which is to take a way the one thing that is held in highest regards that when it rains the body can not reblossom this very vessel of life that has been given to us and that is our virginity.

Nam-Myo-Range-Kyo

A momental Labor day weekend about life and death

This labor day weekend is a momental weekend in history of america, Our Supreme Court Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist died on saturday, A major event in the america history where nations of capitialism, socialism, communism especially cuba to poor its essence of humanity to a tragedy that has 10,000 people dead and where the united state is running a city so dear to my heart like a refuge nation. This is something so dear to my heart were going down there and hearing about this kills my soul to hear a momental historic city being distroyed. Some would say that this is an act of god that this was his plan to reak chaos,Widespread destruction and devastation to church going religious god loving people of all different faiths, beliefs and all having diversity of different religious beliefs but having one common factor in life believeing in the touch of the heavens and a greater power that gave us life and now many taken but those who are the essencess that have the passion to live and fought through torment of purotory, will be united as one by the hands of the inoccent humanitarian strangers who are showing a guiding light of compassion so let us all ignite the light that will show us the way to humanity.

Let the Court Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist,let him be guided by the hand that guided his morals and convictions in life to his god may he rest in the santuary of god and not struggle for the surivial of his essence in his scuptural body that carried his essence from his birth, to his death and let it carry him to his god were we will decide his fate of his rebirth, Many may not of liked Court Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, for his morals,beliefs, and convictions in life. His views were on the moral premise of his conservitism, But many must understand what guided his moral ground for his life was the foundation and the molding of this very man's life from his family's religious views, his grounding of his era, his education. He was from an era of major christian values and had many predujust in society at that time. But he was a man of diginity and strength and that what kept him living. As a gay man many of you would say I am crazy but as a humanitairin I am writing this, because the essence of living is about compassion and conviction in life.

There was also a momental event in my life this weekend, a pass friend from high school roger g, saw me on his motorcycle to a party which was about a bunch of red necks at this party. I went to see into the eye of this people to show that I was not afraid of them anymore and I did. I had a great time up until one the assholes started talking about me like I was not there to everyone telling me that I was gay right in front of face to nobodies in my life, It was hurtful, It was like the scene in sweet home alambama were the guy asked does it matter if he is gay or not and they so no well to roger it doesn't matter but to complete bullies that are assholes they needed to talk right in front of me and talk about me like I was not there. I wish I had the strength to tell them I was but, It was better to walk away to not give them the satisfaction of them knowing for sure.

Nam-Myo-Range-Kyo