Meet And Greet Today!!!!!!! On 8/24/05

Today was a Meet and Greet with Big R,I will call him, we started being chatty cathy on the phone on 8/22/05. Every guy I gone on a date with or been with have been wrong for me, Just due to Karma, I guess. But today I feel like I found someone that now gives me a general Idea what I want in a person and I feel like I am getting closer to the one in the world, that makes me glow and feel good in general, right now it is getting closer with different guys that I meet and that is one of the most amazing things. Today Big R, he made me laugh and hanged out, at the same time I put my guard down in general which was great when we ordered soda today at the restaurant, He ordered a coke, and I ordered a root beer, I thought he was going to order a diet coke and I thought was going to have to the do same, and pertend to myself and him that was on a diet but I didn't and excepted me for me. Today my essence bloomed of life again and that hasn't arise distant time. I am always jumping first in the water and I am not going to do that with anyone anymore. There is so much in this world you need to know about someone that you are meeting and hangingout with dating:
A promise or agreement to be at a particular place at a particular time. It is also a interviewing process to see if you are truely compatiable with someone, that is the true beauty about life seeing the true essence of life in someone. A true compontent of life is the balance of two people, listing, learning,& seeing them for them. If you listen to that person song of the life and what they been through you can see how to see the true ying & yang and if there is a balance and interest to invest in what could be.
I learned about being impulsive has hurt me in my past journey's. I am going to strive to be myself and live I am able to be myself and I haven't been able to talk with guys over the phone and be myself. This is my life and I going to love it to the fullest through slumps and the lusters of golden lillies in my life that bloom from my ever lasting glow of my essence. I am going to dream in the orchard fields of chating of ageless wisdom, knowledge and compassion tonight.

Nam-Myo-Range-Kyo

A Past Karmic Cycle is finally at peace is within me!

Dear Ryan,Europe was a blast, turning 21 is never a bad thing(i got back from Europe on my birthday so that was cool), while I was in the south of France for the majority of my trip I did manage to squeeze in Paris twice and Amsterdam and Italy(Florence), and the summer job I had anticipated fell through at the last minute, but I ended up getting a job at an entirely different camp just down the street from my parents home which has been very rewarding. I humbly accept your non-necessary apology. We are all mature individuals whose lives take turns and spiral up and down as often as the air around us does. Im glad you found our interactions to be a potent learning experience and I hope you have used those lessons to strengthen your own soul. Please bring compassion and understanding into your life with every breath and release old demons with every exhale and I know you will succeed at all you put your focus towards, be that in the material, emotional or spiritual realms. I am honored you hold me in such high reguard, but I am but that which I am, as you are but that which you are. Breathe deep and seek peace my friend, and the best of luck to you in the upcoming term and beyond. See you around campusNamaste,Carter

We can only look back at past and learn from it, My Apology to Carter

Dear Carter/kyan: I wanted to see how France was first off? Second how was your birthday on June second, So happy birthday. Third was did you go exploring all around Europe and forth how is the camp you are teaching at this summer?

Levar, I owe you a huge apology on how I acted right before I left, it was unusual behavior and very unhealthy, I was living in the moment, Yes I was, This Year for me was a journey of hardships in many ways It is time I had to Face my reflection in the mirror . that why I to go home to work on me this taxi driver was right about a lot of stuff that you cant hide, you cant run away from your problems, I had to deal with them heads on I could not hide behind a stone you cant hide in between the walls of bricks and just listen to others as they detour your life for you, Look I wanted to tell you why I was going home in the computer room so many times and at the same time my actions were very unhealthy, It was because I was bipolar, and I couldn't function even with the help of the med's and then I regret the first night before we when sushi Zen because I was living in the moment and making plans and shit in bed together fuck that must of been fucking nuts for you that was before I came home and I found that out that I had adhd and bipolar.And now I am health as a horse again.

I don't regret us going to bed together, and I don't regret us going out to dinner, I do regret that the fact is how it turned into one big mess at the end with the computer room. Look I am not looking to date or anything with you because I would like to have you as an amazing friend than anything else and nothing more either. I also know that you have moved on by now, and so have I. You are an amazing man Carter, You taught me so many things in one week, and those lessons were 1.) To be there and be truly intimate with another man is the most beautiful thing in this world. you taught me that life has to be a process of learning and having that experience and see were it goes from there. honesty is the best process in life it allows you to open yourself fully and your heart and not be a fake. Look all I am saying what I learned from you and to give you an apology and that all and I wanted to write to you these two quotes and that it and sorry this turned out to be a book didn't mean too. So here are the quotes: there Buddhist ones:

You should not seek an easy, comfortable path. No one develops in a pampered environment. Youth should instead actively seek out challenges and hardships, transforming them all into valuable assets as they strive to become individuals of outstanding character and ability. second one next

Vital are wisdom, tenacity and self expression, as well as the strong life force that makes these things possible.

Ciao
Ryan