Letting go and taking responsiblity,

Letting go of certain people, certain past events is like closing a chapter of your life which it is in so many ways In which one cannot define in life. Today this very day I am taking resposibility for slaughtering my life down in savannah, I cannot blame my bipolar disorder, I cannot blame my ADHD. I need to take responsiblity the reason why for that I needed to be in control of my finances, I needed to show an illusion to my parents, my family, and myself that I could balance a check book, school, finding a job, and my health, and my learning disablities all at the same time. But the truth is I could of had help, I could of reached for it and I didnt. I destroyed something that maybe could of happen with carter, his former name was kyan. It was my impulse, something I didnt have control over something, that I didnt know yes I am angry frustrated about this but one said to me it is better to hit the darkness at 24 than at 45 when you are starting to retire and that is true. I believe in what comes around goes around. I believe in karma. I know by me watching this show you believe that I am a true fagot but Queer AS Folk has made me grow and learn from that show about what it is like to be gay and as an adult.
My father is one of the most hard ass parents that a person could have but he has been there everytime I have fallen and he has help me get up at the same time.

Everday my father makes me a better man, He helps me take responisblity for who I am and what I am becoming. He is real as they come even with his roman catholic beliefs he is a man of honest, courage, poetic visions for his children. He believes that we can all move forward and cant move backwards. The day my sister had open heart surgery this very man made a vow with his god, his higher power, that if god protected his little girl, this very innocent life. that he would go to church three times a week and you know what he has and now he has to see his little girls daughter go through the same thing and that most be the most diffecult thing for this man.
What I am trying to say is that this very man has helped through some of my worst demons and this year has been some of my worst demons I have ever seen in my life. He and my mother inpower me every day to get up and try to make something of myself and it is because of them that makes me move forward and live up to what I can be right now, it may not be my full potential but it is enough for me to move forward in my life until I can uptain my full potential in my life. I have learned that this past couple of months that my father has been right about so much stuff and I said no but he was.

Nam-Myo-Range-Kyo