The instablity of my life

When you dont know it and you are in the room, watching Tv, that episode going on can speak volumes and make it a mile stone in what going on in your life. When I left scad, I gave up because I wasnt hungry for it, I didnt want it bad enough, How does one want it bad enough? How does one become hungry for it? I was allway a fighter, If you told me I couldnt do something, I was like fuck you, I know I can learn it or do it! and now I just run when the going gets tuffer and tuffer and tell myself I cant do it. I feel as if I need stablity, and that why I feel like I come home, because I know each day what can happen and what were going to do and how it going to be! That why I come home also. Tell you the truth I love connecticut, I love the house we own and I love were it is located and how it looks I Love the seasons and how they change but at the same time I need to get my education before I start settling down. I dont know anymore.

Nam-Myo-Range-Kyo

Fucking up and not Cant take it back

We can only move forward and not look back, I have done something so drastic and something I am a prisoner of my own demise in life. What do I do I ask myself? I ask why do I do the things that are so self loathing and killing my harmonic spirit, When I had left I was at the mercy of buddha touch: Meaning that everything in my life was universally complete, I had entered for the trail of my life and answered that trail and was judged by my god he was the judge and the jury and decided that I was universally complete. HE had set my stage and I was his play and I answered to the objective and went beyond it and made it a beatiful blossoming of life. And now I corrputed everything I saw after the devils touch of the big city for a weekend of fun. I was in the devils play ground and that what got me into trouble. I went five hundred steps backwards, and now I have to have the strength of a million soliders to come and universally put myself back together. The spirit of buddha is something that we have to believe in, There is a ying and a yang in my life. Every day I wake up I have to push myself to move forward and met just one objective trying to bring the dog out or do some work on my portofilo just something. MY life was crushed one time I can put it back together again I am like the pheonix bird I rise out of the ashes over and over again and I will become the bird that come out of pure nothing once again. And have the heart and the spirit of buddha again.

Nam-Myo-Range-Kyo